Last night, while I was suffering with a bout of insomnia I started browsing through Instagram, stalking anybody’s and everybody’s IDs. (That moment when you start stalking your friend, her boyfriend, his sister, his sister’s boyfriend, his sister’s boyfriend’s friends if they are hot, and on)
I found a few IDs, to which I immediately felt jealous of.
‘How on earth does your ID look so good? And why does mine look like I am obsessed with myself?’
‘Did Dear God himself instilled this creativity and talent in you?’
‘Why is God not so kind to me?’
Ya.. I get it, enough with the self-loathing but such brilliant posts, such brilliant ideas and here I am struggling, even with my first post.
There have been many times in my life, when I did not achieve what I wished for. I felt intimidated by people who were better than me or sometimes when I felt too anxious whether I shall be a success in my endeavor or not, left tasks in between. Therefore, I lost faith in myself. The words ‘confidence’ and ‘self-confidence’ have different connotations for me, as I have felt their paucity, last four years of my life.
It now seems like a circle, the outset of a task, but not stressing enough and thus not accomplishing it. The difficult part is to try to build myself up baffled each time by my performance. In my music class I desisted taking part in singing competitions as I gave up even before trying, assuming that everybody was better than me.
One good thing that happened to me this year was that I joined a writing course in British Council. It was all the push I needed. I’ve always wanted to write, but again, never believed that I could do it.
When you speak in class but tend to forget words as you feel a wave of panic while conversing in front of an audience, sharing ideas with your classmate even if you both know you are talking rubbish, then and there you find a way to build-up your confidence again.
When you get your first compliment for your writing from your teacher, then and there you find a way to build-up your self-confidence again.
On days when you feel out of inspiration in life , hold on, take a moment to dig deep in your heart for your most cherished desires(for me, it is writing), look around, Inspiration may not come knocking at your doorstep, but you will eventually find it if YOU look for it, and that might change everything.
Sitting in class, I found my inspiration, in all of them. And that changed everything.