After publishing just 3 posts, I was stuck. I read my blog posts and started wondering did I even write this? If I can write that, then why am I lost now? Was it not me who started all this? I even deactivated my Facebook and Instagram because I was somewhere ashamed of not pushing myself enough.
It all started when I published my last post When he saw her. It was a part of my old assignments from class, so that week and the following weeks I did not write at all.
The paradox is, it takes us so much of courage and time to start something new but only a moment to lose your inspiration or like in my case the discipline.
I know I will confront this situation almost every second day. There will be weeks when I won’t write anything at all, Weeks when I will be absolutely lost, weeks when I will think I cannot do it anymore. On such days I will have to remind myself to HOLD ON, to trust myself and my abilities.
There are times when I only think of what I will publish next, to impress others, thus lose my true purpose of writing.
I write because I find it liberating. The only person I need to impress is ME. Writing is the only thing I love to do. What I write belongs to my imaginary world, the world in which I am important, and I can lose myself in it yet not be lost at all. I am not a good writer. I need to improve and I am trying, maybe I will never be a good writer but I will always be proud of me for doing something my heart told me to do, to take a year break from the daily hassles of life, to figure out myself. At least I know now that I want to study literature and not economics or any other subject. Maybe I will extend this break to two years before I commence with my post-graduation. But at the end, I know I would have become a better person not for others, but for me. All of us are selfish after all at least I am but this is a different kind of selfish.
Everybody needs to question themselves. Are you happy with what you are doing right now? If yes you are luckier than most of us. And if no, then it’s never too late to start all over again.
I know that there will be many restarts for me before I ACTUALLY find my path. Fortunately, Life gives me and most of us that option.
“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing” -Benjamin Franklin